girly-fanatic:

reichenbackdatassup:

wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

(Source: spockdarlin, via hotwhiteguy)

Bae: Come over
Me: I'm in me mum's car
Bae: My parents aren't home
Me: Broom Broom
Bae: Come over
Me: I'm in me mum's car
Bae: My parents aren't home
Me: Broom Broom

assbuttmcgee:

mr-radical:

feeling intimidated by people you want to be really good friends with

image

#feeling intimidated by people you’re already friends with

(via joshpeck)

tittily:

hydrogyne:

tittily:

they wait

what are they waiting for??

they wait
crusherccme:

found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom
Never make a defense or an apology until you are accused.  —King Charles I (via icanrelateto)

(via icanrelateto)

sorelatable:

hate when i lose something and my parents says “well i guess u didnt care about it enough” like you’ve lost me in a grocery store before 

(via happycoocoo)

megustamemes:

FBI’s priorities.