onthesideoftheotters:

shotadreams:

mage-of-katnep:

rainbowsfireworks:

confusedtree:

ollivander:

lampghost:

[sleep-over voice] are you awake

[sleep-over reply voice] yeah

[regrettable sleepover invitee voice] you guys SHH

[confused sleep-over voice] what is the meaning of life

[annoyed sleep-over voice] dude shut up

[sleep-over host voice] you guys be quiet my moms gonna hear us

[unknown voice] you kids wanna buy some drugs

(via intestify)

Even if we’re married for 23 years,
I still want you to flirt with me.
 —A novel written by me. (via princessariel2323)

(via drakebellofficiall)

gabite:

those cashiers that let you buy things when you’re missing a few cents deserve to live forever

(via intestify)

unimpressed2chainz:

(calls police) hello, some bitch is still trying to talk to me about frozen

(via hotwhiteguy)

northmiamigoon:

an amazing story

unclefather:

you want a man with a strong jawline so you have a sturdy place to sit

(via intestify)

legalwifi:

this was probably one of the saddest moments of my childhood

image 

(via intestify)

reallylameblog:

what if garbage was spelled like garbij

(via intestify)

Truth: you are single and ready to mingle by Anonymous

gnarly:

false more like eat a pringle

Cop: Have you been drinking?
Me: I been drankin'
Cop: Surfbort
Me: Surfbort